|
10 Inch Bic 8/4/2015
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes
I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says
the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly
cause he is a little hard at ...
0 Comments,
104 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score
|
|
In the desert 7/1/2015
2 guys are walking along a desert when they come ascross
a girl buried up to her neck. One of them asks, "What's in it for us if we pull
you out?" She answers, "Sand."
0 Comments,
96 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
Suspicion 4/26/2015
A guy is talking with his new neighbor, who just moved in
a few weeks ago. "Say, Joe, you look down. What's
the problem?"
Joe, the new neighbor, says, "Well, I think my wife
is cheating on me."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, when I first started working for my company,
I was in Louisville. Then about two years ago I got a transfer
to St. Louis. Last year I was ...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Gynaecologists... 4/13/2015
Did you hear about the retired gynaecologist ...? ... He liked to keep his hand in.
Did you hear about the gynaecologist who could wallpaper
his hallway through his letter box?
0 Comments,
11 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Confessions 4/10/2015
A young couple, just married, are driving off to their honeymoon
getaway. As they drive, the husband says to his bride, "Honey,
I have a little confession to make."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well, you know a couple of weeks ago, when we were
at my parents' place for dinner, and it got late, and
they said you could spend the night in the guest room? I remembered
you saying that ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
The differance 4/6/2015
What is the differance between a woman and a frying pan????
There isnt any. They both have to be hot before you put the
meat in
0 Comments,
12 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Blondes on Honeymoon 10/11/2014
A Mother had three virgin blonde daughters. They were all
getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would
get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first blonde girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after
the wedding. The card said nothing but ...
3 Comments,
209 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
|
|
Which Do You Prefer? 8/3/2014
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny
Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.
3 Comments,
31 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Which Do You Prefer? 8/3/2014
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman.
She asked me if I preferred breasts or legs.
I told her what I really liked was a shaved fanny
Apparently I'm not welcome back at KFC.
2 Comments,
30 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
The bear 7/25/2014
A bear walks into a bar and says "bartender, give me
a beer!" The bartender looks at him and shakes his head, "I'm
sorry sir, its against the policy of this bar to serve beer
to bears." The bear frowned and slammed his paw down and said "I
don't care, I want a beer and give it to me now!"
The bartender simple shook his head, "I'm sorry
sir, its posted and this bar will serve no beers to bears" ...
1 Comments,
191 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
Tickle Me Elmo 7/11/2014
Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she
reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to ...
1 Comments,
135 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
|
|
How to Catch a Polar Bear 6/8/2014
First you cut a hole in the ice. Then you encircle it with
peas. When the polar bear takes a pea you kick him in the ice
hole. Ha Ha Ha
2 Comments,
24 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Cricket Rules - made easy! 1/5/2013
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man
that's in the side that's in goes out, and when
he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's
out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes
in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those
coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are ...
1 Comments,
44 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
Two Brothers 1/5/2013
My Two Brothers
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll
you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds
to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until
they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold.
You don't have to ...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Sexual harassment... 12/8/2012
Might be an old one, but I still think it's funny...
Girl comes to the boss saying her co-worker sexually harasses
her every morning. "Why, what does he do?" the
boss asks.
"Every morning he walks past me he tells me how good
my hair smells."
Boss: "I'm not sure that this constitutes sexual
harassment."
Girl: "He's a midget!"
0 Comments,
81 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
everyone has limits... 2/6/2012
'Of course I won't laugh, ' said the nurse.
'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've
never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then, ' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop
his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy'
the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't
have been bigger than an AAA battery.
Unable to control herselff, the nurse started giggling,
then fell to ...
1 Comments,
132 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
watch out for the old Ladies... 1/30/2012
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging
two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags
was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the
sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am,
there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady.
"I'd better go back and see if I ...
1 Comments,
150 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
the old days 1/30/2012
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do
you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty
years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned
against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, " she says, "I remember it well."
"OK, " he says, "How about taking a stroll
around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, ...
0 Comments,
93 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
|
smallest condom in the world. 1/29/2012
A guy walks into the chemist and asks for a condom 3millimeters
long. The chemist replies, "But that would only fit a mouse."
The guy says "yeah the house is overun with the little
fuckers."
0 Comments,
119 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
what are you doing daddy? 1/28/2012
Little boy walks in adn sees his daddy looking down, putting
on a condom. He asks what are you doing daddy? Father looks desperately around and says Looking for a
mouse. Why, are you going to fuck it?
0 Comments,
221 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score
|
|
New drink "Bin Laden" 1/15/2012
The new drink "Bin Laden" is available. It's two straight shots, and a splash of water.
0 Comments,
77 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Dracula at Halloween 1/14/2012
Halloween is Dracula's favorite holiday. He loves
used, dirty, bloody, soiled tampons. What does Dracula
do with used tampons? Tea bags!
0 Comments,
47 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
AIDS and syphilis 1/14/2012
What do you call a man with AIDS and syphilis? "An Incurable Romantic".
0 Comments,
49 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Wife left me 12/23/2011
Got home from work the other day and found out the wife left
me for my neighbor!!! Damm that pissed me off I really liked
him and am going to miss him!
0 Comments,
55 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
suck me dry 8/13/2011
You laid on my naked body and applied your mouth to me without
guilt or humiliation. You drove me near crazy while you
drained me. Today when I awoke, you were gone. I searched
for you but to no avail. Only the sheets bore witness to last
night's events. My body still bears marks of your ravishing,
making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight,
I will remain awake, waiting for you, you ...
1 Comments,
157 Views,
11 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Little Johnnie learns about construction 7/23/2011
One day little Johnnie was being such at
terror at home his mother suggested that he go out next door
and watch them build the new house.
After several hours Johnnie returned home. His mother
asked him what he learned.
He told her he watch them put up a door an started to describe
in detail how to get the door into place.
First you put up the damn door ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Sexism in Bibical Times 6/4/2011
Man was walking in the Garden of Eden with God, and man said, ”
God you are so much greater than I, couldn’t you make me
somebody like myself as a playmate?” And God told Addam
to go to sleep. So Addam went to sleep and God took Addams’s
rib and made him Evea. Addam saw Evea when he woke up and they
went off into a cave and had intercourse for a week solid.
Then Addam turned to Evea and ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
Osama 5/19/2011
Guy goes into a bar, "Bartender I would like an Osama"
Bartender says "What the hell is an Osama?"
guy replies "2 shots and a splash"
0 Comments,
83 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
A fart 5/16/2011
A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song......
A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent, and deadly. ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
step on the bus 4/25/2011
>During the afternoon rush at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful
young woman was waiting for the bus.
>She was decked out in a tight leather miniskirt with
matching tight leather boots and jacket.
>As the bus rolled to a stop, she got her place in line.
When it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt
was too tight to allow her enough slack to raise her leg high ...
0 Comments,
118 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
|
