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ur momma 7/11/2004
I was screwing your mother the other day and in the height
of passion she screamed your name!
<br>
Not saying your mother’s got a big cunt but last time I fucked
her I had to tie a board to my ass to stop myself falling in.
<br>
I was fucking your girlfriend and your dad walked in and
told me to stop screwing his wife.
<br>
I’m not saying your mother is ...
0 Comments,
123 Views,
31 Votes
,2.38 Score
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Honey, can we afford this? 7/10/2004
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after
exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches
rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation
ensues:
<br>
"Hello?"
<br>
"Honey, It's me."
<br>
"Sugar!"
<br>
"Are you at the club?"
<br>
"Yes."
<br>
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you ...
0 Comments,
88 Views,
52 Votes
,8.80 Score
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selective hearing 7/9/2004
Two men in a pub. One says to the other “all women have selective
hearing”
The other says “I bet you a fiver that ain’t true”
“Right I’ll prove it”
So he walks up to the nearest woman and says “ I want anal sex
with you”
She shouts “WHAT?”
Then he says “I love anal sex”
She shouts “YOU FUCKING PERVERT”
<br>
He walks back to his friend and ...
0 Comments,
80 Views,
18 Votes
,1.49 Score
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A computer programmer ... 7/7/2004
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess
and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".
The programmer shrugs his sholders and puts the frog in
his pocket.
<br>
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss
me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The programmer
nods and puts the frog back in ...
0 Comments,
75 Views,
31 Votes
,6.88 Score
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"Whats got 4 legs........" 7/7/2004
Whats got 4 legs and goes woof?
<br>
Piper Alpha Oil Rig.
0 Comments,
34 Views,
14 Votes
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"What goes click click......." 7/7/2004
What goes click click is that it?
<br>
Stevie Wonder with a Rubiks cube.
0 Comments,
39 Views,
14 Votes
,4.58 Score
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Arabs 7/7/2004
Two arabs get talking and soon they show each other pictures
of their sons when they were .
1st; "What's your boy doing now?"
2nd; "He joined Hamas and died in a suicide attack."
1st; Sigh "Mine also."
2nd; Big sigh "They blow up so fast don't they."
0 Comments,
90 Views,
18 Votes
,4.08 Score
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You're not an Experienced Dom/me if.......... 7/7/2004
You're not an Experienced Dom/me if:
<br>
...you think that a "crop" is this autumn's
wheat harvest.
...you think a sub needs lettuce, tomato and pickles.
...you think your sub can stay underwater for weeks.
...you think that "edge play" is spitting over
the side of a bridge.
...you think "topping" is what Dairy Queen
puts on your banana split.
...you think that ...
0 Comments,
53 Views,
15 Votes
,2.52 Score
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Sue and Sally 7/3/2004
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they
haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin
to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation
covers their husbands, their , homes, etc. and
finally gets around to their sex lives.
<br>
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so
but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just ...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
51 Votes
,4.48 Score
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gardners and scots 7/2/2004
have you heard about the bent gardner who came out of his
shed with pete (peat) on his back !!!.
and the gay scots called michael fitzpatrick & patrick
fitzmichael !!!!.
<br>
crap i know!!!
0 Comments,
30 Views,
17 Votes
,0.30 Score
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Secret Dietary Tips 6/30/2004
Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one
of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers
that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly
diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has
any secrets for staying sexually vital.
"Well, " answered the man, "I eat rye
bread ...
0 Comments,
85 Views,
17 Votes
,3.27 Score
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Quarantine 6/30/2004
A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday
they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake
while the woman got a skunk.
As they are passing through airport control they notice
a sign which says "NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH
QUARANTINE". Slightly distressed the woman turns
to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking
hard for 5 minutes ...
0 Comments,
85 Views,
20 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Dildo and soy beans ... 6/30/2004
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both
used as substitute meat.
0 Comments,
59 Views,
27 Votes
,5.66 Score
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Three Breasts 6/29/2004
There's this man who's taking a walk around the
red light district until he passes a whorehouse with a blinking
sign saying: "The With Three Breasts...".
The man get's just a little interested and thinks "well...
that could be a once in a lifetime experience". So
he goes in and walks up to the man behind the counter. "I'd
like to see the with the three breasts" he says.
<br>
...
0 Comments,
89 Views,
19 Votes
,2.20 Score
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wife sent to work!!! 6/16/2004
a husband sends his wife out on the game.
when she came back heasked how much did you earn.
she replyed 100 pound and twenty pence.
looking puzzeled he asks who gave you 20 pence.
all of them she repled
0 Comments,
59 Views,
37 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Michael Jackson 6/10/2004
What did Michael Jackson ask the priest?
<br>
Do you have 2 fives for a ten?
0 Comments,
53 Views,
50 Votes
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old man and wife at doctor 6/10/2004
An old man is having his medical checkup and everything
was ok. So the doctor asks the old man, "Do you have
any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do, " said the old man. "After
I have sex with my wife, the first time I am usually hot and
sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time,
I am usually cold and chilly." The doctor was unsure
why this ...
0 Comments,
94 Views,
75 Votes
,7.51 Score
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Mental Hospital 6/1/2004
In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees
a patient pretending he's driving a car, with his hands
at 10 and 2.
The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?"
<br>
Charlie replied "Can't talk right now I'm
driving to Chicago!". The nurse wishes him a good
trip and leaves the room.
<br>
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as ...
0 Comments,
76 Views,
84 Votes
,9.37 Score
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Jewish Boy Learns Math 6/1/2004
Little Zachary, a Jewish , was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash
cards, special learning centers, in short, everything
they could think of to help his math!
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down
and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
<br>
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very ...
0 Comments,
46 Views,
74 Votes
,8.94 Score
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Healthy sperm 5/31/2004
How do you know if a male has a healthy sperm count? If you
have to chew before you swallow.
What's the last sound you hear before a pubic hair hits
the floor? *ptew*
0 Comments,
55 Views,
42 Votes
,3.31 Score
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S&M 5/29/2004
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th
class reunion, and they haven't seen
each other since graduation. They
begin to talk and bring each other
up to date. The conversation covers
their husbands, their ,
homes, etc. and finally gets around
to their sex lives.
<br>
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every
week or so but it's no big adventure,
how's yours?"
<br>
...
0 Comments,
58 Views,
63 Votes
,6.22 Score
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DBJ 5/29/2004
This policemen pulls over a car for speeding. He walks up
and notices that the driver is a blond female.
"Is there a problem officer?" she asks
"You were speeding, " he tells her. "Can
I see your registration please."
"Whhh whhh whhats that?
"It is the document that says you legally own this
car."
"where would I find it?"
"Probably in your glove box."
She checks the glove ...
0 Comments,
93 Views,
50 Votes
,8.72 Score
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Class 5/29/2004
In a biology class, the professor
was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen which gives the sperm
all the energy for their journey.
<br>
A female freshman raised her hand
and asked, "If I understand, you're
saying there is a lot of glucose,
as in sugar, in semen?"
<br>
"That's correct, " responded the
professor, going on to add statistical
info. ...
0 Comments,
96 Views,
47 Votes
,8.17 Score
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Got Milk? 5/29/2004
Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help
but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was.
So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful.
<br>
"Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and
just bathe and soak in it." So the blonde went to a farm
and spoke to the farmer.
<br>
"I'd like a whole lot of milk."
<br>
...
0 Comments,
50 Views,
49 Votes
,6.02 Score
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The chicken or the Egg 5/29/2004
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking
a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg
is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
<br>
The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well,
I guess we answered THAT question!"
0 Comments,
46 Views,
38 Votes
,7.05 Score
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Iraqi Fighter Pilot 5/29/2004
Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter
pilots?
<br>
You only have to teach them to take off.
0 Comments,
37 Views,
25 Votes
,2.58 Score
|
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Sperm Donor 5/29/2004
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital center.
<br>
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're
going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here
to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
<br>
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted
some more before going their separate ...
1 Comments,
113 Views,
40 Votes
,5.87 Score
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Little Red Riding Hood 5/29/2004
Once upon a time. Little Red Riding Hood's mother gave
Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red
kept this gun in her basket.
<br>
One summer day while on the way to her grandmother's
house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled
"I'm going to fuck your brains out!"
<br>
Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly
replied: ...
0 Comments,
73 Views,
37 Votes
,7.55 Score
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Newlyweds 5/29/2004
A young couple were married and celebrated their first
night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time
again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes
into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from
the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the
bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the
door, exposing his body for the first time to his ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
30 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Spitting in Boots, Pissing in Cokes 5/26/2004
Saw this in the humor section of strategypage.com under
the heading SEALs vs. Green Berets. i laughed so hard i fell
off my chair. Since O/other folk share my passion for watersports...Enjoy.
<br>
Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas,
headed for Houston. One sat in thw window seat, the other
sat in the middle seat.
<br>
Just before take-off, a Green ...
0 Comments,
92 Views,
20 Votes
,6.32 Score
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