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Two condoms walk past a gay bar......... 5/17/2004
Just a quick but tastless joke. lol-
Two condoms are walking past a gay bar and one looks to the
other and says, "You wanna go in and get shit-faced?"
0 Comments,
88 Views,
79 Votes
,5.65 Score
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Jokes that will offend almost everyone... 5/13/2004
1. Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
<br>
A: Not being retarded
<br>
2. Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
<br>
A: Hypothermia
<br>
3. Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets
out of the battered wives' shelter?
<br>
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
<br>
4. ...
0 Comments,
71 Views,
104 Votes
,7.98 Score
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More jokes that will offend almost everyone... 5/13/2004
1. Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise &
semen?
<br>
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's
throat at thirty miles an hour.
<br>
2. Q. Why do women call it PMS?
<br>
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
<br>
3. Q. What's a mixed feeling?
<br>
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
your new ...
0 Comments,
76 Views,
71 Votes
,9.13 Score
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elephant 5/6/2004
What did the elephant say to the naked man???
-----------------------------------------------
How can you breath through THAT...
<br>
<br>
0 Comments,
24 Views,
40 Votes
,7.15 Score
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What Gender Is A Computer? 4/30/2004
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept
of gender association in the English language.
<br>
He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine
names and how ships and planes were usually referred to
as "she". One of the students raised their hand
and asked - "What gender is a computer"?
<br>
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he ...
0 Comments,
74 Views,
105 Votes
,8.83 Score
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Party 4/30/2004
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is
finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres
of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam
sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months
or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner
when someone knocks on his door. He opens ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
61 Votes
,7.16 Score
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Buckwheat and Darla 4/28/2004
Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks
Darla, "How do you spell 'dumb'?"
<br>
Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb."
<br>
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
<br>
She says, "Buckwheat is dumb."
<br>
The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid'."
<br>
Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."
<br>
The teacher says, ...
0 Comments,
40 Views,
47 Votes
,7.46 Score
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After 25 years 4/28/2004
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th
anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening
25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you
first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through
your mind?"
<br>
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck
your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
<br>
Then, as the ...
0 Comments,
79 Views,
54 Votes
,8.19 Score
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Grandfather On Viagra 4/25/2004
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
<br>
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
<br>
"Feeling fine, " says the old man.
<br>
"What's the food like?"
<br>
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
<br>
"And the nursing?"
<br>
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses
really take care of you."
<br>
...
0 Comments,
91 Views,
58 Votes
,6.82 Score
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A Sperm Named Bob 4/22/2004
Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm
were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting
weights all the other sperms asked him one day, "Why
don't you just swim around like us?"
Bob replied, with a smirk, "well, when the time comes,
I'm gonna be the first one there".
The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't.
So, the day finally came ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
65 Votes
,7.78 Score
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Three wishes 4/21/2004
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The
bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know,
I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique,
it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is
your head so small?"
<br>
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this
question many times.
<br>
"One day, " he begins, "I was camping ...
0 Comments,
69 Views,
61 Votes
,8.63 Score
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Shady Gynaecologist 4/20/2004
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism
went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.
<br>
After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
<br>
"Yes, " she replied, "you're checking
for any abrasions or ...
0 Comments,
72 Views,
50 Votes
,8.46 Score
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Exam Question 4/19/2004
Exam Question!
Draw a female reproductory organ.As the exam was on, a
girl looked between her legs and a boy saw her doing this
and shouted.Sir!She's copying from the original!
0 Comments,
49 Views,
37 Votes
,3.41 Score
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make your boobs grow 4/18/2004
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys
her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now
she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself,
asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front
of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too
small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a ...
0 Comments,
55 Views,
81 Votes
,8.39 Score
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Funny one 4/16/2004
What do a gay man and a bungee jumper have in common?
<br>
If the rubber breaks, they are both in deep shit .
0 Comments,
33 Views,
21 Votes
,4.36 Score
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Another good one 4/16/2004
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
<br>
Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blow job.
0 Comments,
25 Views,
20 Votes
,3.00 Score
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The Princess vs. The Sergeant 4/15/2004
You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women
from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example of
that.
This assignment was actually turned in by two of my
English students: Rebecca <last name deleted>
and
Gary <last name deleted>
<br>
English 44 ASMU Creative Writing Prof. Miller
in-class Assignment for Wednesday. "Today we will
experiment with a new form ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
38 Votes
,5.89 Score
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Pirate - Ship's Wheel 4/15/2004
A pirate walks into a bar with the ship's wheel down
his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, but do
you know you have a wheel in your pants?"
<br>
To which the pirate replies... Aaargh, it's driving
me nuts!!
0 Comments,
31 Views,
30 Votes
,6.96 Score
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The Ex 4/15/2004
A really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine phoned up the other
day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights
we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when
she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a
little of that magic.
<br>
"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could
keep pace with you now!
<br>
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
36 Votes
,6.52 Score
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Blonde Jokes - Compact 4/15/2004
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact
on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it,
looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks
familiar." The second blonde says, "Here,
let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
0 Comments,
102 Views,
44 Votes
,8.14 Score
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5 dollars and a cookie 4/5/2004
A priest aporaches his friend and asks for a favor. "I
have a fishing trip planned, its my first time off in weeks,
but father johnson just fell ill and they need someone to
take his place in the confesional booth. I want to go on my
fishgin trip so i want you to take over the confessional."
<br>
"i cant do taht" the friend says " i ahve
no idea how."
<br>
The preist ...
0 Comments,
66 Views,
58 Votes
,7.11 Score
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Whats your sign 3/30/2004
A very drunk man bumps into a pretty young girl at a party.
<br>
"hey beautiful, " the man says
"get away creep, " she replies
<br>
"damn woman, id be out of here if you were hitting on
me so hard, " the man says.
"what are you talking about, get away, " she
says again.
<br>
"geez, well i bet your a saitarius, " the man
says.
<br>
The girl ...
0 Comments,
58 Views,
50 Votes
,5.77 Score
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Aspirins for that headache 3/29/2004
A man comes home very late one night to find his wife asleep
in their bed with her mouth open. Thinking quickly he grabs
a bottle of aspirin and dumps a few into her open mouth. A
few minutes later she sits up spitting and sputtering.
"What the hell are you doing?" she demands.
"Oh", he says. "I put a few aspirins in
your mouth." "Why?" she screams. "I
don't have a headache!" "Good",
the ...
0 Comments,
150 Views,
98 Votes
,7.04 Score
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My Parrot 3/28/2004
A man tells his best friend that his pet parrot just died.
The friend says, "Oh, what a shame. What happened?"
To which his friend responds. "Well, the vet said
he had 'chirpees' and that it was 'untweetable."
0 Comments,
41 Views,
32 Votes
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Axioms 3/22/2004
AXIOMS - An obvious or generally accepted principle.
01) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more
like a jar of jalapeños -- you never know what's going
to burn your ass.
<br>
02) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound
they make as they go flying by.
<br>
03) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it..
<br> ...
0 Comments,
48 Views,
30 Votes
,7.85 Score
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Feel like a woman 3/22/2004
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through
a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from
bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman
in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the
front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, "
she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going
to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is
there ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
38 Votes
,6.72 Score
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George Dubya goes to school 3/18/2004
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
<br>
After his talk he offers question time.
<br>
One little boy puts up his handand George asks him what his
name is.
<br>
"Billy."
<br>
And what is your question, Billy?"
<br>
I have 3 questions.
<br>
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
354 Votes
,7.80 Score
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Dubya goes back to school 3/15/2004
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his handand George asks him what his
name is.
"Billy."
And what is your question, Billy?"
I have 3 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of
the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
And third, ...
0 Comments,
27 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Marital Aid 3/15/2004
A woman went to the doc because her husband couldn't
get an erection. The doc gave her a bottle of pills and said,
"give him 2 of these, and he'll go for 2 hours,
no more though".
The woman got home, gave her husband the whole bottle of
pills.
A little later, their phone rang, their answered it.
"Hello?" A man on the other end said, "is
your mom or dad there?" The boy replied, "they're ...
0 Comments,
65 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score
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Little Johnny goes to the bathroom 3/11/2004
Little Johnny raises his hand in class, and the teacher
says "yes, Johnny?" "I gotta piss",
Johnny says. "No, Johnny, the word is urinate. You
have to urinate. Now go use the bathroom and don't come
out until you can think of a sentence using the word urinate.
Little Johnny is gone about twenty minutes, then comes
back to class. "Did you think of a word using urinate?",
asks the teacher. ...
0 Comments,
54 Views,
10 Votes
,5.18 Score
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